Double Minded

I am so excited that Andrew Kern is coming to Austin.  We are trying to work out a way for me to be there.  Here is one of his recent blog posts.  My favorite part:

Neither of us, neither the slave nor the free man, are to fear our masters. Both of us have the opportunity to please Christ. But you can’t please Christ if you fear men. You simply can’t. You will lose your mind, becoming double-minded, confused, anxious.

I think this is why it is SO important to be in the Word and be open to the transformation by the Word.  This is also why I need to de-junk.  I am collecting treasures from the wrong place.

The first part of this post is about the word pleasing - another reason to learn ancient languages - it gives you more insight into what is really being said in His word.   This is a word that has always been close to my heart and I am glad to better understand the original intention.

De Junking

This week we ran out of Cokes and Dr. Pepper's.  It was planned, but I was not prepared for it.  I do have to say that as a birthday present to myself I went to Sonic.  Then, as an act of sheer desperation after two nights of little sleep, I went to Sonic again.  So, I spent way more than I should have on something that we decided to give up.  I am trying to reform - but the headaches are real.

I am currently in the middle of 7 by Jen Hatmaker.  It is not as deep as Kreeft's Ethics (I am on lecture 10) or Ideas Have Consequences - but it is a convicting read.  It is also fun, in part, because she lives right up the street (read I-35) so I know the territory she calls home.  I have been trying to de-junk our lives and simplify for quite a while now.  I think I am finally getting to the point where I can really let go of some of this stuff.  There are a few things that I have begun to identify that have stopped me from de-junking:

1.  The thought that it might be useful someday.  Although I haven't really used it in 10 years of marriage - someday that formal china might need to come out.  (Wow, I forgot I technically have 3 sets of china - at my parents house - and we didn't register for china!)

2.  Not wanting to get rid of things that are in good shape.  Well, if you aren't using them isn't that the time to get rid of them - when they would actually be useful to someone else?  Really, I don't want to admit that I made a bad purchase or got something that we didn't really need in the first place.

   One thing that helps me is a clearer sense of purpose.  It helps you to know what to keep and what to pass along (or throw out).  Kreeft actually gives a useful way to organize your life (from Aristotle I think - I was driving, not taking notes):

Is it moral?     Is it necessary?    Does it bring joy?

If it isn't doing these things, why is it in your life?

    We are not the trendiest folks. I still wear shirts from college (yes that was 15+ years ago) and my husband wears Hawaiian shirts that were hand-me-downs from a friend's dad who got them at goodwill (I still love you - friend!).  Most people we know wonder when we are going to move out of our "starter" home.  We have added our third child and our oldest is about to start school - these are the signs to move up - right?   However, I don't think this is our "starter" house or "starter" community.  I think this is where we are supposed to bloom and grow.  People in the 60's somehow raised a family in our house with no problem.  Honestly, the main problem is our stuff.

   As I was watching the intro sessions for Visual Latin he says that one reason for studying Latin is because it can give you a new perspective on life.  For example, in Latin, "stuff" is impedimente.  Appropriate - I think so.

   I am trying to detach from all the things that I thought were really important and fix my eyes on what truly matters.  It's a little tough sometimes.  Hopefully, paring down our impedimente will open up room for new things.

Rethinking Assessment

I appreciate conferences that put lectures online.  I can't fly all over the country and I realize that it is NOT the same as being there - but at least I can get some direction, insight and support.  Recently, I listened to Andrew Kern's talk "Assessment that Blesses".  I will admit I was also cleaning dishes and doing other things so I know I missed some key points of his talk.

First, an aside. In our educational system, assessment rules the roost.  You teach to the test - whatever the test is.  In a sense what gets measured, gets done (or taught).  How else will you know if a student has learned something if you are not assessing it?  I will not go into the flaws of this type of input/output thinking when applied to humans - but it is prevalent.  Thus, our assessment informs and shapes what and how we teach.  This is why assessment is worth discussing - it is not an after thought but a guiding light.

Back to Kern's comments.

These are the two primary points that I heard this time:


First, one of the key issues with our current method of assessment is that we compare ourselves with ourselves to figure out our standards.  We want to know what percentile score our child has in each subject.  In light of this, Kern shares the following verse from Corinthians:

We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. 2 Corinthians 10:12


I am still unpacking the consequences of that statement applied to education.

He argues that our primary method of assessment is foolish.  For centuries education was intended to teach you to live the good life.  But in our relativistic era how do you know what is "good" - it can't be a standard any longer?   We now aim at college entrance and maybe job preparation. There is no ultimate standard any longer and our assessment reflects that relativism.

So that leads to the second point and the logical question - What should your standard be?  Kern suggests that the curriculum for a Christian could be Philipians 4:8-9

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Much of his talk is about why this is a good standard and how to "use" it.  I am now trying to better understand what educating for the "good" would look like.  To that I end I am listening to a history of ethics lecture series by Peter Kreeft.  I am really enjoying it - because I am nerdy like that.  I will listen to Kern's lecture again and I am sure I will gain some new insights.
  

Chapter 3 - Ideas Have Consequences

Mystie did a great job outlining the path of mans' descent into specialization in her overview of chapter 3.  I was surprised by Weaver's use of terms associated with mental illness and our obsession with specialization.  He truly sees it is transforming - deforming - our character.

His explanation of specialization highlighted some concerns I have about some interpretations of classical education.  In Sayer's famous essay she talks about the poll-parrot stage as a time when children love to memorize.  Some of her followers have taken this "love of memorization" to new heights (or depths) and insist on encouraging young students to memorize many teacher-selected and disembodied facts.  The theory is that they enjoy it and later they will have "pegs" for learning when they reach the next stage.  Although this may work, it seems to start on the road to specialization - memorizing discrete information as learning or education - early.  I am not against helping students to see details and distinctions (as in nature study when you ask them to further describe something that they are observing).  Also, I think that kids will naturally memorize things that they enjoy.  I prefer the CM approach of laying a feast and exposing students to things worth  learning by heart and remembering (as opposed to Pokemon characters or baseball player stats).  One blogger I respect, warns against using our kids for "parlor tricks" by which she means showing off how much they have memorized.   Weaver's description of our obsession with facts just helped clarify why I struggle with this approach to classical education.  It seems that this would be almost exactly counter to the aims of a "traditional" classical education.   Am I missing something here?

Weaver warns that being a specialist has dire consequences when political order is upset.  "But when it breaks down and he is thrown back upon his own resources, it becomes apparent that these resources have been allowed to diminish."   He then continues,

"for a burden of responsibility is, after all, the best means of getting anyone to think straight.  If he is made to feel that he is accountable for results, he looks steadily at the situation and endeavors to discover what is really true in it.  This is a discipline."  

Weaver praises an 1850's Vermont farmer as a man of many resources, despite his poverty.  He is able to provide for himself, engage with his community and has a full orbed life.  This is a stark contrast to our modern era when people purposely decide not to work because the government benefits are better than what an actual job can provide.  We as a culture are impoverishing ourselves, especially as we abandon the land.  Weaver asserts that "people close to the soil appear to have longer memories than have the urban masses.  Traditions there live for generations; what their grandfathers did is real to them."  After spending a week in Wyoming and listening to my family talk about crops, chickens and goats and how their Dad did it - I have to agree.  This also makes me think of many of Wendell Berry's concerns.  We are losing our memories of these things as we all go to the grocery store to get our food.  I think the homesteading movement and simple living are modern reactions to this sense of loss and desire to reconnect and reintegrate our lives. 


Although Weaver might be extreme in his fear of psychosis as a result of our fragmentation he might not be that far off.

Thoughts on Unseriousness

A few weeks ago I read the book On the Unseriousness of Human Affairs by James Schall, an academic and Catholic priest.  It was a great read and I appreciated his relationship with books, authors and stories.  I need to start reading fiction so that I can have a similar relationship - non fiction just can't do that the same way.  He also had some extensive Latin quotes which encouraged me to study it.

My favorite quote came from G.K. Chesterton (someone else I should read) "I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder."

Schall suggested that peace is not something that you can pursue.  Instead, peace is a result of right ordering.  Recently, all things seem to come back to order.  I have always seen order as something boring or uncreative.  However, I am beginning to see the value of order and pattern and how creativity can bloom from that.  A disordered life is not peaceful - why have I been trying to avoid this??

He also argues that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.  In other words, some things are worth doing just because they bring joy, beauty, grace and love to your life.  He uses the example of dancing.  Most people will never be great dancers but does that mean we shouldn't dance?  This makes me think of Robert Fulghum talking with kindergartners - where everyone is an artist or a dancer, but by the time they reach high school only the "good" ones do it.  I want to start doing some things badly - drawing, dancing, singing, etc.

One of his favorite quotes is becoming one of mine, "It is only the time we 'waste' with our friends that counts" from The Little Prince.  I am trying to de-junk my life and become less busy so that I can make my time count by wasting it on friends and others.  This is tough to do because there seem to be so many "things" to do.  I want to choose relationship over activity.

He also discusses self discipline and ruling over oneself.  It used to be understood that the person who was most "free" was the one with the most control over himself and the "unfree" are those ruled by their pleasure, money or power.  Oh, how far we have fallen.  This reminds me of Charlotte Mason explaining that the strong willed child is not the child who insists on their own way, but the one who is able to exert their will and choose the good over what they want.  

Schall covers many topics, these are just a few that struck me.  I look forward to reading Another Sort of Learning which is an expansive booklist of sorts. I hope to catch more of his spirit of engagement with the authors and thoughts through the ages and find some suggestions about what to read next.  



 

Chapter 2 - Ideas Have Consequences

I do have comments about the introduction and chapter 1 that can be found in the comments on Simply Convivial.  This is part of the continuing book discussion - one of the primary reasons I am blogging again.

This chapter questions much of what we believe about democracy.  It advocates hierarchy, order, aristocracy and merit.  It invites distinction and difference and argues against everyone being equal.  This chapter gives substance to some fleeting thoughts I have had.

Here are some of his arguments.

"Such equalitarianism is harmful because it always presents itself as a redress of injustice, whereas the truth is the very opposite."  It does seem that making everyone "equal" would be the way to reduce injustice, but as he points out later, "if it promises equality of condition, it promises injustice because one law for the ox and the lion is tyranny."  Trying to make everyone the same fails to bring about the desired results because we simply aren't all the same.  Parenting even just two children makes this abundantly clear.  He sees the rise in a call for equality as unfortunate as it replaces a sense of fraternity because "the ancient feeling of brotherhood carries obligations of which equality knows nothing."  It creates a "network of sentiment, not rights."  It is not something you can legislate - it is something that must be in the fabric of community and draws you into relationship.  Ultimately he feels that fraternity is outward focused while equality constantly makes you wonder about your own status and rights.  I think history (his book was written in the late 1940's) has shown this to be true.  Talking about rights does not elevate the conversation.

He also speaks of the middle class and its fondness for "complacency and security".  Later he suggests that education was, at one time, seen as a way to perfect yourself spiritually and prepare yourself for immortality.  In a democracy, he argues that education is essential to help "bring men to see the hierarchy of values".  However, it seems that we are no longer even trying to teach the values to sustain our own order.  In fact, we have devolved into an educational system that focuses on being successful in this world and aims for the individual to "acquire enough wealth to live a bourgeouise" lifestyle.  "The formula of popular education has failed democracy, because democracy has rebelled at the thought of sacrifice, the sacrifice of time and material goods without which there is no training in intellectual discipline."  Some might balk at this because they feel like they are sacrificing to send their children to good schools and their children seem to be up to their ears in homework - but are we aiming at the right definition of education?  Are we equipping our kids in light of the eternal - or even just values that help them live in community?  I think he would argue that if our aim is equality than we will never be successful in this endeavor.   As we continue through the book I think he will further refine what we should be aiming at in our educational system.

Lamentations

Recently I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.   Her writing is bittersweet and one of the best examples of "show don't tell" I have ever encountered.  In passing, she mentioned the difference between complaining and lamenting. Lamenting - what's that?  Is there a difference?  Are we supposed to lament?  Why has no one ever talked about this before?  I am an expert complainer - I always thought I should combat it by being content. Is there something different I should be trying??

Fast forward a week and the sermon was about lamenting!  I think someone is trying to get my attention.  There are a few key things I took away from the sermon.  Lamenting is about grieving or mourning before God over the difference between what is and what might/ could be.  David lamented often in his prayers - some say up to 70% of the psalms could be considered laments.  If the psalms show us how to live then we should be a people characterized by lament.  Part of this is because we are caught between the now fallen world and the world to be re-created.  Of course there is discord, bitterness and strife - we reached out to do life on our own terms and fell out of relationship with the one who made us as His image bearers.  We are those who are in between - glimpsing the beauty and goodness God intended in snippets but also witnessing the pain and havoc of "real life".

So, I think Christians should be excellent lamenters - but I don't know anyone who is.  Do you?  Lamenters mourn (isn't that in the beattitudes) before the face of God instead of blowing things off or sinking into depression.  Lamenting brings dignity to life because it gives the important things the weight and recognition they deserve. It requires an active faith and an honesty about life that is a hard tension to live with.  It recognizes His sovereignty and the reality of pain at the same time.  It opens up the door for His comfort to enter into a situation.  David consistently found comfort - ending his laments with God's promises and reflecting on His character.  Do I do the same?

So I think that the best response is not trying harder to be content or complaining (my son said this is what his Sunday School lesson was on last week) - instead it is this thing I never knew we should do - lament.  I intend to learn more about this.  This frees me to live in between and let go of perfectionism and hard heartedness.  The people of Israel were taught how to lament their losses - may I do the same.  This pilgrim, longing for home, now knows what to do when things fall short - lament and enter into His comfort.

Returning to the Journey

It has been a long while (two children, a part time job, a new church and more since the last post).  I am ready to pick this pilgrim journey back up in a semi-public format.  Blogging has changed significantly and I have enjoyed the fellowship of other blogging moms recently.  To participate more fully in conversations and book clubs I will start writing again.  I intend to continue to reflect on education, faith, relationships and parenting.  Basically the stuff of my life.  They say it is best to write about what you know!  Plus I think the discipline of writing will help focus, record and help me be accountable to some of what I am learning.  Thanks for joining me in the journey again!