Links I Like: Kids Craft Weekly

Recently I have been interested in sewing and other crafty notions. I have only made one or two items so far. In my search for free craft ideas I happened upon this website: www.kidscraftweekly.com. This site has some great craft ideas from a stay at home mom. She actually has a weekly newsletter that you can subscribe to with craft ideas based around a theme. I haven't received one yet, but I did sign up today. So, if you are looking for ideas it might be worth checking it out.

Merry Christmas

We have been very blessed this Christmas season to spend so much time among our friends. I think this month we've attended about 5 different Christmas or birthday parties. In addition, we've been able to catch up with long time friends. We met our new niece last week, we also met up with two of my three bridesmaids and the friends who are like second parents to me! It was quite a trip and a great way to celebrate our 5th anniversary. When we got back home our friends from France stopped in for a visit.

All of this partying has helped me become a better cook (almost every party requires you to bring a dish.) However, it has not made me too interested in decorating our own home. We do have a Christmas tree this year - our first one since we've been married! We have more ornaments than I know what to do with. If you have any thoughts about other things to do with ornaments let me know. I am also looking for ideas about what to do with all of the fabulous family photos we get from family and friends during this time. I was thinking about making a "wreath" out of all of the pictures - but I'm not sure I'm that crafty.

Today both sets of parents are here to celebrate. We are so fortunate.

So thanks to family and friends for the abundant blessing that you are to me on this journey.

Long time, no blog

I wish I could say that I have been overwhelmingly busy - but that's not true. I am enjoying being a mother and have been reading and volunteering in my spare time. Some of my reading has been other people's blogs. I have realized that I enjoy catching up with their lives and learning from the things they've done. So, I have decided to keep up with my blog a little more.

Recently I have been reflecting on my "guidelines" of parenting from before I started parenting. One of them was to begin as you mean to go. Well, I have already learned a little about the wisdom of that one and the dangers of not being thoughtful beforehand. We were letting our little one take naps in a bouncer - which is really convenient and he liked it. However, I realized that he would one day outgrow the bouncer and would need to sleep in his crib. Well, lets just say that the transition involved quite a bit of crying and very little sleeping. I tried to use the "pat and shush" method from the Baby Whisperer - it means you stay with them while they cry until they fall asleep. Well I can't shush for 45 minutes straight. We burned out one blow dryer for the white noise our son liked, so we decided to use radio static instead. It is a much better option (for example it doesn't spark), cheaper than a white noise maker and can be found almost anywhere (even in the car!). I do have to say our little one is persistent and does try to resist sleep - but he does sleep in his crib now.

I guess that's enough for now. I have lots of other thoughts, but I guess that's why people normally write small amounts frequently. I am going to work on that!

Sleep and babywearing

Although I am not a convert to the attached parenting style, there is truth to the claims they make about babywearing - at least when it comes to sleep! A friend introduced me to the crazy world of babywearing recently. Some wear their babies as a matter of principle and it is almost an anti-establishment statement of sorts. I just wear him because its practical and he seems to like it so far. It's convenient because babies like being close to you and sometimes you need to do something other than hold them. In fact, as I write this my little one is sleeping in his wrap tied up to my chest and I have both hands free to type! Almost every time I put him in the new wrap he falls asleep. So far he slept through mom making muffins (Dad put the muffins in the oven - not to worry), a few meetings, a walk around the block and me typing this. I expect he will sleep through much more (I've only had it for a week).

There are four general types of babywearing devices.

• Ring Slings - These are long pieces of cloth that can be padded or unpadded that go through a couple of rings and are adjustable. I personally am not too interested in slings although they are very popular.
• Pouches - This type of sling or pouch is fitted to its wearer and is basically a piece of cloth folded over so that the baby can sit or rest in it.
• Mei Tai - (pronounced May Tie) This is a rectangular piece of cloth with four straps coming out of each of the corners. The bottom straps are tied around the waist, the baby sits and is supported by the rectangular piece of cloth and then the top straps are tied in a variety of ways around your body to keep the baby safe and secure.
• Wrap - This is a long piece of cloth (5 to 6 yards) either stretchy or woven that can be tied in a variety of ways to hold the baby. This is the type that I have and am loving it!

Almost all of these can be used in a front, side or back position. You need to be practical about what you can do while wearing your baby - but it does make it easier to read, type or eat. All of these can be purchased in a variety of fabrics and colors. You can also make them yourself if you have a bit of Martha in you. I don't expect to be "wearing" my child until he is three or four (like some people do). Nor do I think the stroller is of the devil. These soft carriers are different from "structured carriers" because they allow the baby to sit more in the carrier instead of dangling which is supposed to be better for their spine. It makes sense to me - plus they are more versatile.

So far I know that being a wrap comforts my little one and helps him to sleep - so I intend to use it as long as he enjoys it. If you are interested in learning more you should check out www.thebabywearer.com - they have tons of information about this topic.

Sleep!

One of the most popular baby topics is getting your child to sleep (and maybe you can rest too). Most experts talk about sleep in two different phases, before 3 or 4 months and after that. There is a limit to what parents can do to influence the sleep of their small babies. However, after about three or four months experts are very clear that parents need to be training their little one in how to sleep well. I will not really talk about co-sleeping or family beds because this is just not a practice that our family intends to use.

Tips for newborn - 3 months old:

• Remember that your baby still needs to eat around the clock because he has a tiny tummy. Therefore he will wake up at night. Experts consider "sleeping through the night" to be a 5 hour stretch - until they are at least six months!
  
• Babies are LOUD sleepers - they suck, move, hiccup and can even cry while they are sleeping - there is no need to disturb them if they are sleeping even if their noises are keeping you awake.
  
• Typically babies should only be awake for one to two hours at a time. As soon as they show signs of tiredness you should help them get to sleep. (This has been a tough one for us - our little one likes to stay up for stretches of time and then sleep a bunch!)
  
• Watch for sleepy signals like yawning, pulling at the ears, rubbing their eyes etc. - get to know your baby's sleep signs.
• If a baby has trouble falling asleep there are a few things that are especially helpful to younger babies: Swaddle them, Shh them (literally make a loud shhing sound or get some kind of white noise - make it loud, our son loves the hair dryer), Swing/ rock or otherwise move them, Suck (either their hand or pacifier), Side lying or on their back. These are the 5 S's - they are also supposed to help with colicky infants.
• You can help your baby begin to learn day and night by having them sleep in areas that are nosier and have more light during the day and making sure that it is quiet and dark where they sleep at night.
  
• When you feed them at night keep them mostly in the dark - use a small nightlight or something similar to light your way and limit the diaper changes that you do.
  
• If your child is colicky you can tell by the rule of 3's: at least three times a week, for three hours a day, for three weeks straight. Often this occurs at the same time in the evening. Experts all have different ideas about what causes colic - Harvey Karp believes that using the 5 S's above will deter colic! If your child is colicky it should end around three or four months of age and it is essential that parents begin regular sleep training at that point for their little one.
  
• It is crucial to remember that this is only a short phase of their life and that soon they will be sleeping more regularly (God willing) with your help.
  

We'll talk about tips for four months and up next time!

Long time . . .

After being at home with my little one I wasn't sure that I had much to write about that would interest anyone else. I remember single friends wondering how staring at the baby could be a full night's entertainment. However, one of my friends asked about my "baby bibliography". I have actually read quite a few books about different aspects of raising a little one. Since they say it's best to write about what you know I have decided to share some of what I have gleaned from these books (and my limited experience) about different baby subjects. So stay tuned if you are interested in getting a summary of popular baby topics and the books that cover them. At some point I will move on to something more thought provoking - but being sleep deprived limits your deep thinking abilities! For each topic area I will share what seem to be the most important points and then review a few of the resources that have helped inform my viewpoint.

Hurry up and wait

This is a phrase I would use often with my boarding students. It seemed that I was forever trying to get all of us somewhere on time and once we got there (the doctor's office, the school, etc.) we had to wait. This pattern of life can wear you out. It can also become addictive - the rush of trying to get everything done and then the let down of the other party not being ready or lacking the same urgency that you have. It is hard to break out of the "hurry up" lifestyle. I really thought that I had broken some of this pattern this summer - but maybe not.

I have to say that I spent some of my pregnancy like this. I wanted it to hurry up so that I could have a little one in arms. Now that he is here I realize that most of our life right now is just waiting. Waiting for him to be hungry, to finish feeding, to wake up from his nap, etc. I am forced to wait and be still more than ever before (breastfeeding will do that to you). This is hard for me - I am good at the "hurry up" but God has been trying for a long time to teach me the waiting part. For my sanity and the health of our son I need to learn to enjoy the waiting part. I need to trust that there is a reason for the stillness and the waiting. At this point it is so that I can heal and he can grow. It's difficult when there is very little that I can do to help the waiting "go faster". God really doesn't need me to be hurrying all the time - in fact he often talks about being still and trusting in him - very rarely was Jesus in a hurry (even when people's lives were on the line). So hopefully, this is one of the first good lessons I'll learn from my son. I am still not very good at it - but I am realizing that it's not just about my learning anymore - it now effects him too. So I am trying to enjoy the waiting and the trust in the one who calls me to wait and be still. There will be future days of "hurry up" so for now I am trying to enjoy the waiting.

Do you want to be a hero?

A few weeks ago I gave a talk at the teen retreat at our church. I was shocked to discover that the only person named a "hero" in the Bible is Goliath. Everyone else we would call a "hero", God calls faithful. I was challenged by that - it is much more fun to be considered a hero than faithful. Plus, a hero seems to do it all themselves while someone who is faithful must have something or someone to be faithful to. The role call in Hebrews 11 is often called the "heroes of the faith". When you read their stories you realize that they had their foibles, problems, fears and insecurities. They aren't heroes of the type that we expect. God commends them not for their heroism, but for their faithfulness - even in the midst of their fear, sin and doubt.

Often heroes have a succesful "cause". However, the Bible clearly says that none of these faithful people received all that was promised to them. They lived onto a person - not in light of a cause. I was struck. Obviously these men did win battles, save the people, etc. However, that was not the full promise that God had for them. I rarely think about the full promise and often will only work on something that will have some success here and now. However, these men were faithful because they believed and followed the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. They trusted the tomorrow to Him - even if it meant they wouldn't directly be a part of it.

This challenges me to be willing to play my part, to be faithful in what He's called me to, regardless of what the outcome might look like (or when it might be played out). Speaking of these "heroes" it says "They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground". Not too heroic, but faithful. I pray that I may be faithful too - even if it seems like there are many detours in the path. The destination isn't the completion of a program, the fixing of a problem or a person. As pilgrims, it is about the faithful journey along the way and the relationship with Him as you go.

Children and Church

I have many thoughts about children and famiy in church. "Common wisdom" in mainline churches is that kids leave the church after high school and return to get married (for a while) but really come back to church when they are parents. As parents they realize that they want their children baptized and brought up with some type of values. Although I think this is faulty logic - it does play out in many people's lives.

Today I was struck by how opposite the feeling is for people who were serving and living in a church community during their twenties. Once they become parents it is much more difficult to remain connected and involved with the community as a whole. Although I have yet to experience it - I have seen it in other parents. They struggle to get everyone there and then in most churches you are broken up by age groups - so you really aren't "in church" as a family. If you are a part of any group one parent watches the kids while the other participates as "an adult". Sometimes there is child care - but in smaller churches this is really difficult. If there are Sunday night events it can be difficult to attend because it throws off bedtimes and makes it hard to get ready for the upcoming week. Actually, any type of night time activity can become a struggle as you weigh your child's routine with your fellowship and participation.

I have had high minded philosophies about intergenerational home, cell, heart group types of exepriences - but I am not so sure how that would really work. I am also reminded that church isn't really about the building where you go on Sunday's, but more about the community that you are a part of and that can take many different forms. As my husband and I enter into parenthood I hope that we can creatively fulfill the needs of our family and live in the body of Christ. Having young children is a season, of course, but it is a season that can greatly impact family values and growth.

Then there is the question about ministry to your family and balancing that with other ministry within the church and beyond its walls . . . but that's another issue for another day.

"In America" Family Values Worth Watching

Netflix was created for people like my husband. He needs the expansive vault of movies because he rarely watches movies that others have even heard of (as I type he is watching an Australian movie about the Boer War). Most of the time, he watches movies while I surf the Internet or read. He does have a method to his movie madness, but I haven't really figured it out yet.

A few weeks ago he requested a film called "In America" (PG-13) about a family immigrating from Ireland to America in the 1980's. I didn't realize that it had been nominated for a number of awards, but after watching it, I can see why. I don't remember anyone talk about it (it came out in 2003) so I am going to fill you in on it.

The movie draws you in as the border guard asks the parents how many children they have. One responds two and the other three, then he remembers that one of their children passed away. This is done at the same time that the oldest daughter is thinking about the three wishes that she will use in the name of her departed brother. From the beginning there is loss and faith - you want to know which will overcome.

My English teacher always used to say "Show don't tell" (thus the reason I write essays - I am much better at telling!). This movie shows faith, family and strength in the midst of hard circumstances. It shows what it means to reallly love your neighbor (even if he is scary at first). It isn't preachy and probably isn't what people typically think of when they hear the phrase "family values" but it illustrates those values superbly. Probably, in part, because the movie was written by a family in honor of their deceased brother. You can feel the passion, loss and hope for renewal throughout the film.

Sometimes my husband finds real gems worth watching. This movie challenged me to consider many questions: What does it mean to love my neighbor? Where is God when it hurts? Can love and faith really overcome? It also brought me to tears. My husband began to apologize for getting an "upsetting" movie. I think we need to be upset by these questions and our poor responses and brought to tears by the strength of others overcoming faith more often.

PS - They don't have a Christian faith per se, but their actions challenge us to consider our own faith.

Entering into Parenting

Although my enneagram says that I am a 1, I am almost a 5 - the researcher/observer. So obviously, for someone who wants to be right and loves to research I have read and thought about many subjects. Recently, you may have endured my gains in "parenting wisdom" - thank you for humoring me. Although my former job as "mom" to 30 high schoolers gave me a inkling of what it's like to parent - in about 3 weeks the rubber meets the road and my husband and I will become parents. I am sure everyone is anxious to see how our musings work out in real life! Please don't laugh and point too much!

There are a few things that I do think are valuable that I hope to remember as we become parents:

1. Tracy Hogg (the Baby Whisperer) talks about "beginning as you mean to go". I think that's one reason I've read, thought and prayed about this a lot. I want to have some sort of plan about where we are going so that we can start off on the right foot. Of course, a lot will depend on the personality of our little guy, but that is part of the adventure.

2. Be careful what you reinforce. Actually this lesson came from St. Augustine's Confessions. We are reading it in home group (yes, we are nerdy). The lesson yesterday talked about a culture that prized how you said things, not what you were saying. So you could say foul things, but as long as it sounded eloquent- it was acceptable. He also spoke about being more broken up over stories he was reading than the sin and issues in his own life (it sounded like people that can tell you the intrigue on Big Brother but aren't sure what's happening with their neighbor). So, I want to be thoughtful about what we value and encourage as a family.

3. Develop your family culture. I like the approach of Never Mind the Joneses (see sidebar) because he emphasizes some core values that families should consider - but does not expect everyone to adopt and use them in the same way. He confirms that there is no "one right way" to be a family, but every family should seek out how they are called to be a family. Sometimes, it seems like there is a "model family" and if you fall short of that ideal then you are not glorifying God. God is a God of diversity and he expects us to be who He created us to be - not like the Joneses.

4. The last thing is to be a team. I think talking about, praying about and knowing your kids can help you deal with the "suggestions" and decisions that come your way (even from well meaning friends, like me). If you've already discussed these things then you have some idea of where you are going, what you value and how you'll get there then you can guide your child in the way they should go.

We have been fortunate to be a part of a community with many families that are just beginning and they all look different (personality, style, job, etc.). I am excited to see what our family will grow into. So there are more musings - we'll see how these thoughts hold up as we put theory into practice.

Why G.A.P.?

The acronym G.A.P. is one that I've thought about for a long time. A few years ago I was doing the study "A Mind Like Christ" and obviously a key scripture in that study is Romans 12:2 - being transformed by the renewing of your mind. As I read the end of the statement it talks about His Good, Acceptable and Perfect will - G.A.P. That really struck me for a number of reasons. Right now I'll just share the initial thought.

Below is part of an unsent letter that I originally wrote in November 2002:

When we think of GAPs we think of holes, things gone wrong, things that we are missing. The phrase “stand in the gap” often means that we are helping to bridge between two things that need connection. When I was studying Romans 12:2, I memorized the end of the verse by remembering GAP – good, acceptable and perfect. When we look at our lives, the gaps are normally far from good, acceptable and perfect. In fact, often we desired that good things would happen in those places, but somehow our best efforts always seems to fall short and there is a gap.

I believe that God desires us to stand in these GAPs but in a different way then we have thought of it before. He desires to stand with us in the hurt places where things have gone wrong and pain has entered in and he would like to begin to reveal to us how he desires to use that for good in our life because we love him. We are all broken creatures and as we read in his word, an acceptable sacrifice is a broken and contrite heart. Not only does he desire to come into the gaps in our life he also desires to help us to stand in his will daily, living a good, acceptable and perfect life. So many of us strive to have just one of those words describe the work we do and the life we live. Through Jesus, God provides a way for us to live like that daily - as a living sacrifice transformed and renewed by Him.

I have other thoughts about what living a GAP life means and we'll talk more about it - this is just the beginning of the pilgrimage.

Tabernacle Community of Pilgrims

In our church group we often talk about how we are the "transition" home group as people move in, move out, have children, change jobs, buy homes and generally live life together (there are only 10 adults - soon to be 7 kids under 4!). I think I am beginning to realize that life is in the changing, not the staying the same. I like things to be right, good and easy to understand but God is not interested in our own righteouness or our clearly laid plans (no matter how great they may sound). Instead, he is seeking pilgrims who are ready to break the rules if it means being TRANSFORMED as we come into relationship with the Triune God and each other.

I have been very blessed to be part of a community that is on a journey with Him - many to random places (Nigeria, France, England, Southeast Asia, etc.). I guess I hope that with this blog and conversation we can help each other on the journey - no matter how far apart we are. I invite you all to join me (and interact with us as a community) as we move forward in this pilgrimage.

It's my prayer that I can keep this perspective in mind:

We will never settle down, and certainly not expect God to settle down, but will travel through life as a part of the tabernacle community of pilgrims who are settled only in the certainty that the Savior is in our midst. Those who have this vision of life discover the blessing of their life's meaning and purpose, which is simply to take the next step towards home. Their relationships, work, and care for others are always perceived as another step in the pilgrimage. That these relationships and workplaces are continually changing is neither inherently good or bad, but inevitable. Pilgrims are neither intimidated nor addicted to these changes, but see them only as the unexpected grace that prevents their souls from settling into anything other than communion with the one who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
M. Craig Barnes

May we continue to be the body of Christ to each other and encourage each other in the pilgrimage with our Savior as our center.